Other Writing


The Lone Ranger is knee deep in dirt digging a shallow grave when a rattler bites his manhood.

“Tonto, quickly! You’ve got to suck the poison from the wound or I’ll die Tonto.” The Ranger falls to his knees.

Tonto blinks the dust from his eyes and staggers back. “Tonto go doctor, get help.” The Indian turns tail and runs like a coyote fleeing the coop all the way to the doctor’s door. He arrives, staggers into the waiting room and confronts the ageing doc. “Rattler bite Que no sabe on pee-pee.” He gasps between breaths.

Shaking Tonto roughly by his shoulders the old doc drives home his urgent instruction. “You’ve got to suck the poison from the wound, or Ranger’s a gonner.”  Tonto blinks the dust from his eyes and staggers back.  He turns tail and flees faster than a priest from a whore’s chamber to his master. Running as fast as his moccasins can carry him, heart pounding like a war drum in his chest Tonto arrives at his stricken friend’s side where he lies recumbent in the shallow grave meant for an outlaw. Staring down through tear filled ears the words of the doctor rang in his ears: suck poison from wound, suck poison from wound.

“What’d he say, Tonto. The doc, what’d he say?” the Ranger coughed.

Tonto knelt beside his beloved friend, cradling the masked man’s head in his hands he said, “Doc he say… you gonna die boss.”
Mathew Bridle

The girl with the pendulum thighs

It was late in the fall in a southside bar
I’d driven through a squall in a beat up car.
Well I ran across the lot and went inside
My head felt hot and my eyes went wide
There at the bar through the fug and gloom
Shone the brightest light in the whole darn room.
With hair tied back glass held to her chest
Sat the wildest thing come in from the west
Well I sat at the bar and got me a drink
When I caught her eye she he gave me a wink
So I looked around to see if it was me
The next thing I know was her hand on my knee
I coughed and spluttered ‘till I found my voice
One look in those eyes and I had no choice
We started to dance I pulled her to my chest
And the void in between was filled with her breasts
Her eyes were pools and her hair smelled pretty
We talked as we danced she was smart and witty
I fell for her and she for me
Our love grew roots like old oak tree
We strung up rope and made us a swing
You should have heard us lovebirds sing
Well over years we got along fine
Drank a lot of beer and few good wines
We had us some kids, was it two or three?
I still got my girl sat on my knee
I look in her eyes from time to time
A swim in those pools is still divine
I take her by the hand, kiss the wine from her lips
Pull her in close to feel the heat of her hips.
Now we are old taking life in our stride
Our love’s still as deep as far as its wide
Our passion’s spoken in soft sighs
She’ still my girl with the pendulum thighs

Mathew Bridle